I sat on the crouch dreading his arrival. I plead with God to make everything okay, please let him be in a good mood, please. I steal a glance at the clock, 4 minutes until he's home, the bile rises to my throat. I close my eyes and pray. I open my eyes, take a deep breath and run a quick list through my mind. I made sure all my tasks were done perfectly, exactly the way he likes but he almost always finds something not to his liking and that's when the fireworks hit. Last week I triple checked everything and still I fell short and his fist hit my jaw lightening quick. I jump, as I hear his car door slam. His key is in the front door. My heart is beating so fast I feel as if it will jump out of my chest. He opens the front door and stands there with a displeased look on his face. I am scared, I recognize the look and I know the fireworks will begin and my world will swirl into a black abyss. Oh dear God please help me was my last thought before I hit the floor.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Fireworks by Anonymous
I sat on the crouch dreading his arrival. I plead with God to make everything okay, please let him be in a good mood, please. I steal a glance at the clock, 4 minutes until he's home, the bile rises to my throat. I close my eyes and pray. I open my eyes, take a deep breath and run a quick list through my mind. I made sure all my tasks were done perfectly, exactly the way he likes but he almost always finds something not to his liking and that's when the fireworks hit. Last week I triple checked everything and still I fell short and his fist hit my jaw lightening quick. I jump, as I hear his car door slam. His key is in the front door. My heart is beating so fast I feel as if it will jump out of my chest. He opens the front door and stands there with a displeased look on his face. I am scared, I recognize the look and I know the fireworks will begin and my world will swirl into a black abyss. Oh dear God please help me was my last thought before I hit the floor.
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The dread here is so strong it made me a little nervous. Nicely done.
ReplyDeletePoor woman. I can feel her terror.
ReplyDeleteThe minimal punctuation makes this feel breathless and scary. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHoly! This is terrifying, and too real for many people. Strong write. I love the intensity.
ReplyDeleteVery well done. I hate that I like this so much. :/
ReplyDeleteExcellent pacing and tension. I agree that the structuring of the piece as one paragraph lends itself well to the overall feel of trepidation and dread.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up. Please come back Friday for the new prompt.
The desire to tell this woman that 'four minutes is enough time to run' becomes more intense as the piece moves on. I just wanted her to get OUT, since she knew what was coming. But I absolutely believed that it was hopeless. There was no way she believed in her own power to escape.
ReplyDeleteI had trouble breathing while reading this. Excellent building of anxiety, terror, and hopelessness.
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